Dodge_Sniper
Active Member
Vin Diesel is better than Chuck Norris because... (and this is no joke!)
- Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
- If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
- There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.
- When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, & instead requests a hand gun & a bucket.
- There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
- When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
- Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
- Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- To attain inner peace, Vin Diesel eats Buddhists.
- Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Vin Diesel can divide by zero.
- Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
- When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
- Vin Diesel once ate the entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
- When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
- Vin Diesel has two speeds: walk and kill.
- Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, & the game beat itself out of fear.
- Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
- You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, & the tears of small children.
- It takes 14 puppeteers to make Vin Diesel smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
- Vin Diesel never took an acting class. Instead, he believes every movie he makes is real life, & the camera's are just there to record his actions for future generations. These future generations will wonder if Vin Diesel was real, or an imaginary creation. Vin Diesel will then kill the future generation.
- When Vin Diesel thinks that his lungs are too black from cigarettes, he simply eats a pound of pure bleach. It usually works.10am, Vin Diesel’s mouth becomes a portal to Narnia. Plan accordingly.
- Rather than shave his head, Vin Diesel simply undergoes chemotherapy to remove his hair.
- There was actually no cast, crew, or sets for The Chronicles of Riddick. He ate film, crapped it, & it came to be.
- The Periodic Table is actually a listing of every element that Vin Diesel has ever consumed. Even Plutonium.
- Vin Diesel shaves his face with a vegetable peeler.
- Vin Diesel can touch MC Hammer.
- He is made up of smaller, slightly more British Vin Diesels.
- Vin Diesel was never actually born. After eight months of gestation, he carved his way out of his mother's womb with a rusty knife.
- Every night, Vin Diesel does 700 push ups and punches himself in the face until he passes out.
- Vin Diesel only bruises three things: apples, peaches, & bitches.
- If a Vin Diesel crosses your path it is bad luck unless you buy & toss a copy of "The Pacifier" over your shoulder.
