28 Years Ago.....

KLD1019

KLD1019

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Somewhat Known 15 Year Club
On Tuesday, December 21, 1982, my mom did the one of the most hardest and unselfish acts.....gave birth to a baby boy and gave him up for adoption. She already had 2, and they were being raised by her mom and dad, knew they couldnt raise another one and even though she was 23, she knew she was still to young and naive to raise him, so adoption was the best choice.

The adoption was private with an attorney instead of an adoption agency. the family was from Florida, took him on Christmas Eve. We dont have the names, address, numbers. The hospital doesnt have records anymore, after 10 years they are destroyed. We have a couple leads on who might have records. one of my highschool teacher's sister-in-law might have them. the lawyer was/is kin to them. My sister in law works for an attorny so we have legal leverage if we need it.

Who's to say that he wants to be found? maybe he doesnt, maybe he does, maybe he doesnt even know!! maybe he's already found out and is angry for not only being given up, but also because 3 years later, she had and kept ME!! She had already had an abortion once, adopted one baby, having to do both the 1st time was heartbreaking enough. doing either one a 2nd time was out of the question.

Everyday, we hope and pray and think about him. On his birthday its even more thoughts and wishes. And every year on or around his birthday i post something like this on message boards im on, hoping maybe by some chance there's SOMEONE that happens to know something, maybe even him that is a part of the same message board and reads it. One could only hope right!?

Thanks for reading!! :) it doesnt hurt to reach out kwim!?
 
KLD1019 said:
thank you! we understand how he would feel the way i explained. we just want him to know that he has a brother, 2 sisters, nieces and nephews and a truely loving family that loves him reguardless and would love to get know him.
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Well you may be right that his anger is misdirected IF HE KNOWS..

And if that's the case he has every right to live his life as he wishes..

That said, I wish you and your family the best of luck.. May you one day have a happy ending to this story.. Of course the sooner the better.. ;)
 
You never know. I have one half sister and half brother (they are whole people tho) and I wrote them both I would like to get to know them, they are like 25 years older but they never wanted a thing to do with me or my dad. My dad I can understand I have a heck of a time just visiting him. Being an only child I wanted a brother and sister especially when my folk divorced and bad stuff happened to me, but alas, they weren't interested. Their choice.
 
My personal thoughts on the matter are that if you DO locate him or his parents, you need to leave the contact information for you in his hands and let him make the first move. He may not want contact or he may...but it's only fair to leave that up to him. Giving a child up for adoption is the biggest and greatest sacrifice you could EVER make. My mom is very thankful that she was given to her parents and has never had the desire to meet her biological parents but she is curious about the siblings she may have (she's been told she has several).

On a side note...I'm trying to think of a way to say this w/o being offensive and I just don't think there's any way...but did your mother not have access to birth control or did she not believe in it??? I'm just trying to wrap my head around it.

Good luck finding your brother!!!
 
Natasha pretty much said it nicely.

The best thing a parent of an adopted child can do is tell the child that their birth mother gave them up out of love and selflessness. Thus, in good cicumstances their shouldn't be animosity.

On the other hand, you always have to remember that a child who is adopted at a young age only remembers their adoptive parents. They don't view adopted parents as "adopted parent's" but rather as their "real" parents. They're the parents who raised and shaped the child.

People tend to fall for this myth that all adoptive children want to find their parents. There may be some curiosity, but for the most part, adopted kids are happy and content as they are.
 
we know that he could NOT want to be found. we know its his choice and its completely up to him. we know that the couple who adopted him are his 'real' parents. we dont want to change that. like i said, we dont know if he wants to be found if he does know. but there's nothing wrong in US wanting to know about him. just knowing he's alive and well and happy isnt much to ask

as for Natasha's question....my mom was young, rebellious, it was the late 70's early 80's so all that mattered was smokin weed and partying. she was married to my brother and sister's dad, not sure about the guy who she got pregnant with and had an abortion, was married to adoptive brother's father, was engaged to my dad but never married.
 
Kyle B said:
They don't view adopted parents as "adopted parent's" but rather as their "real" parents. They're the parents who raised and shaped the child.
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True...exactly why I said in my post "biological parents" b/c I know my mom has always said it like that and followed it w/ "I was raised by my REAL parents."

KLD1019 said:
we know that he could NOT want to be found. we know its his choice and its completely up to him. we know that the couple who adopted him are his 'real' parents. we dont want to change that. like i said, we dont know if he wants to be found if he does know. but there's nothing wrong in US wanting to know about him. just knowing he's alive and well and happy isnt much to ask

as for Natasha's question....my mom was young, rebellious, it was the late 70's early 80's so all that mattered was smokin weed and partying. she was married to my brother and sister's dad, not sure about the guy who she got pregnant with and had an abortion, was married to adoptive brother's father, was engaged to my dad but never married.
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Understood. Young rebellion will get you in trouble every time. ;) I like Tim's suggestion...I didn't even know that existed!!! No need to be defensive, hon...I don't think anybody said that there WAS anything wrong w/ you wanting to know about him.
 
Tim said:
Have you guys ever tried matching services like this one?

http://www.isrr.net/

It's free and will take all of your information and if he is also looking, they can make a match and notify both of you.
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My sister and her daughter were reunited via a service just like that. The weird thing was my sister lives in Canada and her daughter was moved to South America right after her adoption so if it can happen with them it can happen with anyone. The world really is a small place.
 
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