Books You Think Shouldn't Exist

[HK]

I love reading and I have a lot of books, somewhere over 300, so I'm not someone who has no idea what makes a good story. But sometimes I've bought books and realised that there actually are people out there who have magical powers, because there's no way they'd get published through regular channels.

So what books, or perhaps even authors, do you think should never have existed?

My biggest one right now is P.C.Cast and her ridiculous 'vampyre' stories. Actually they're not all 'vampyre' related - she did at least one series that I tried that was more fantasy, about a human woman getting sucked into an alternate reality that's very LOTR.

All her writing reads like bad fanfiction. In fact I'm pretty sure some of her first novels started out that way, though I can't remember the details. They're full of awful cliches, and one of the main things (this is going to sound weird) about the fantasy novels was how proud the narrator was of her breasts. I'm not kidding. The main character is supposed to be about 35-40 and she spends most of her time getting her tits out and talking about how envious other people are of them.

Naturally all her strong female leads are gorgeous, kind, wise and sexy. It's probably meant to be empowering, but it just makes me feel sorry for her because it paints a picture of a three-times divorced middle-aged woman putting her fantasy of being desirable and useful again onto paper.

 

[Sparkey Duck]

Other than the religous tests, and anything by Elron Hubbard, I would like to see any book by a politian gone...

but, I think that it would be a bit too fahrenheit 451 for my liking to get rid of any book...

 

[Abcinthia]

I love reading and I have a lot of books, somewhere over 300, so I'm not someone who has no idea what makes a good story. But sometimes I've bought books and realised that there actually are people out there who have magical powers, because there's no way they'd get published through regular channels.

So what books, or perhaps even authors, do you think should never have existed?

My biggest one right now is P.C.Cast and her ridiculous 'vampyre' stories. Actually they're not all 'vampyre' related - she did at least one series that I tried that was more fantasy, about a human woman getting sucked into an alternate reality that's very LOTR.

All her writing reads like bad fanfiction. In fact I'm pretty sure some of her first novels started out that way, though I can't remember the details. They're full of awful cliches, and one of the main things (this is going to sound weird) about the fantasy novels was how proud the narrator was of her breasts. I'm not kidding. The main character is supposed to be about 35-40 and she spends most of her time getting her tits out and talking about how envious other people are of them.

Naturally all her strong female leads are gorgeous, kind, wise and sexy. It's probably meant to be empowering, but it just makes me feel sorry for her because it paints a picture of a three-times divorced middle-aged woman putting her fantasy of being desirable and useful again onto paper.

I was just about to say that!!!! I wrote about it in one of my complex threads.

I just finished reading the first 3. Glad I'm not the only one who thought that they were utter fucking rubbish.

Her "authentic" teenagers were just laughable. I mean HELLO who goes around like saying hello every other minute. And hello did you realise one of the characters (well two characters in book 2 onwards) was gay and the author was ok with it? I mean... she only said it every few paragraphs whilst writing the most stereotypical gays in the world. He likes clothes, he hits on every single man he sees, he cries when something happens etc etc.

And the main character is not a whore. Whores are people who go around showing their boobs (though the main character is always talking about her tits but that's not being whorish) and whores wear make up and dance. So the main character, who is a paragon of good behaviour, loses her virginity to a teacher. But it's like so ok because he wrote a pretty haiku about her naked body. And she has 3 boyfriends on the go in book three but that's like so ok as well. Not whorish in the slightest.


I've never read such shit in my life.

 

[dkwrtw]

All books, no matter what their message, or how poorly written should be allowed to exist, I don't believe in censorship in any way shape or form.

 

[HK]

Haha omg Abc I love you, I'd forgotten about the awful, awful cliched gay guy! Like wow, you absolutely have to have an overtly gay character because it's both about equality and totally funny right?

Didn't she write those ones with her teenage daughter as well? Which just goes to show that even teenagers have no fucking idea what teenagers really sound like. That whole three boyfriends on the go thing was amazing. That character was very judgmental about other people, but every single guy she met (apart from the only gay in the village, sorry, vampyre school) fell head over heels for her and she went along with all of them as though she had zero control over her own vagina.

Plus the whole 'omg my virginity is a precious gift' bollocks was painful.

 

[HK]

All books, no matter what their message, or how poorly written should be allowed to exist, I don't believe in censorship in any way shape or form.

It's not about censorship, this really isn't a serious topic just about books that you really feel did not deserve the energy that went into publishing them.

 

[Darrell]

Books regarding "facts" about Freemasons. I'm so tired of asshole outsiders making up total bullshit to make us look like some goat sacrificing cult. I've never seen a goat anywhere near my Lodge room, let alone in it! :fing27

 

[HK]

Books regarding "facts" about Freemasons. I'm so tired of asshole outsiders making up total bullshit to make us look like some goat sacrificing cult. I've never seen a goat anywhere near my Lodge room, let alone in it! :fing27

Waaaait a second you're a Freemason? :ninja

 

[itsmeJonB]

The bible

 

[Darrell]

Waaaait a second you're a Freemason? :ninja

Yep I am.

 

[HK]

Yep I am.

So.... I mean I have literally no idea what entails. I have a vague idea that you have to wear a robe. Do you get to have sex with temple wenches or something?

 

[Darrell]

So.... I mean I have literally no idea what entails. I have a vague idea that you have to wear a robe. Do you get to have sex with temple wenches or something?

We don't wear robes. We wear aprons. There are no women Freemasons, nor any "wenches" as you put it. If you have questions, send me a PM, I'll entertain them.

 

[itsmeJonB]

Freemasons run the world!

 

[dkwrtw]

It's not about censorship, this really isn't a serious topic just about books that you really feel did not deserve the energy that went into publishing them.

Books that weren't worth the effort of making? hmmmmmm, I'd say probably religious texts if anything.

 

[Abcinthia]

Haha omg Abc I love you, I'd forgotten about the awful, awful cliched gay guy! Like wow, you absolutely have to have an overtly gay character because it's both about equality and totally funny right?

Didn't she write those ones with her teenage daughter as well? Which just goes to show that even teenagers have no fucking idea what teenagers really sound like. That whole three boyfriends on the go thing was amazing. That character was very judgmental about other people, but every single guy she met (apart from the only gay in the village, sorry, vampyre school) fell head over heels for her and she went along with all of them as though she had zero control over her own vagina.

Plus the whole 'omg my virginity is a precious gift' bollocks was painful.

Yeah her daughter helped her write them because she wanted authentic teens. They are so like totally authentic they act like 5 years olds. And have the vocabulary to match. Did you notice how the gay character would sometimes use *gasp* words with more than 2 syllables?!?!?!?!?! But HELLO no one knows what he's on about?! I mean hello who uses words like atonement? So the author would then make the gay character explain the words. Because gay men are such outsiders with their monosyllabic words. Duh.

Oh and the author is so ok with gays, she makes up metaphors and smilies about how "Jack entered the room like a gay whirlwind." But her straight characters didn't get anything like that cos the author is like so ok with gays and it's ok to comment on the way gay men walk and do stuff like walking into rooms because they do it in such a gay way. Straight people just do it normally.

The virginity stuff was bullshit. Going on and on about how it's special blah blah blah. So she's going to fuck a teacher. Not one of her other two boyfriends who've been dating her longer. But it's ok, he got killed later on by Christians. Cos Christians are soooooooooooooooooooooooooo awful with their misogynist, controlling attitudes. Booo. Hiss.

I'm going to read the rest of them in the series. Partly because I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings, partly I want to see if the author can manage to write a decent plot. I don't understand how every book is over 300 pages long :willy_nilly::willy_nilly::willy_nilly:

 

[HK]

This is really just a P.C. Cast hate thread now

But seriously! I know what you mean, I should have thrown down the first book and set it on fire to spare my eyes the pain of reading anymore. I think I ended up reading six or seven of them, and in the end I got pissed off and gave them to charity. But it is compelling, you feel like you have to keep going just to see how truly awful it can get.

Plus it's very motivating. If that rubbish can get published, I've definitely got good chances

 

[Abcinthia]

This is really just a P.C. Cast hate thread now

But seriously! I know what you mean, I should have thrown down the first book and set it on fire to spare my eyes the pain of reading anymore. I think I ended up reading six or seven of them, and in the end I got pissed off and gave them to charity. But it is compelling, you feel like you have to keep going just to see how truly awful it can get.

Plus it's very motivating. If that rubbish can get published, I've definitely got good chances

If you get rejected just make one of the characters a vampire



Ok maybe I should think of another book I hate.

The Almost Moon by Alice Sebold (the woman who wrote The Lovely Bones). My review for it on Goodreads was: "Without a doubt, this is the worst book I have ever had the misfortune to read.". And I stand by that statement, even after reading P.C Cast.
The author had a good plot (main character kills her mother who is mentally ill) then goes no where with it. You just have 300 pages of wondering if you are meant to be agreeing with the main character for killing her mother, feeling pity that her mother was mentally ill or hating all the characters because they are self-centred and pathetic and wishing that someone would get a machine gun and kill them all thus putting an end to the story.

 

[HK]

Oh gosh, really? That's disappointing, I liked The Lovely Bones (ish, it's not like a favourite book but it was pretty interesting) so I assumed her couple of other books would be very similar.

I tried the Sex And The City book once, because although I don't love the series I've seen several episodes and I can always get behind a little entertainment. It was nothing like what I was expecting though. Very weird. It looked more like notes for a book than an actual book.

 

[Peter Parka]

The Bible

 

[Abcinthia]

Oh gosh, really? That's disappointing, I liked The Lovely Bones (ish, it's not like a favourite book but it was pretty interesting) so I assumed her couple of other books would be very similar.

I tried the Sex And The City book once, because although I don't love the series I've seen several episodes and I can always get behind a little entertainment. It was nothing like what I was expecting though. Very weird. It looked more like notes for a book than an actual book.

I really liked The Lovely Bones. I think that just made The Almost Moon even worse because I had a high expectation that it would similar and it was painful to read to the end; it was so awful. It's such a pity because if the plot had gone anywhere and the characters had been more realistic or just less pathetic, the book could really have been amazing.


I read The Devil Wears Prada. I knew it was awful but I didn't realise how awful it could get.