Open Relationships: Could you/Have you?

[HK]

I would imagine the question of disease comes under the umbrella of trust. You have to trust that your partner will use protection with the other people they see. If you don't trust them to do that then that's another reason you might not be suited to an open relationship but again, it works for some people.

Sleeping with more than one person doesn't automatically equal the spread of nasties.

 

[Siphorous]

HK sowed a stick in the hornet's nest and reaped tokenz!

I'm jealous.

edit: took me an hour to read this thread. I'm slow.

 

[Abcinthia]

HK sowed a stick in the hornet's nest and reaped tokenz!

I'm jealous.

edit: took me an hour to read this thread. I'm slow.

I'm jealous too! None of my topics are this interesting to people. Maybe it says something about me :surrender:



And back on topic. I agree with HK's last post.

 

[HK]

HK sowed a stick in the hornet's nest and reaped tokenz!

Tell me about it, this is the first thread I've had take off like this

 

[HottyToddyChick]

Sounds to me like you're honoring them.

 

[Devin]

Open relationships never do work, you know. Regardless of the person(s) you're with in the relationship that say they're "okay with it" are most certainly lying. If they love you, and think you're that great of a person and want to keep you, they'll tell you anything in order to do so. In the end, open relationships end up aching hearts and end any sort of trust couples have for each other.

 

[brieze]

Open relationships never do work, you know. Regardless of the person(s) you're with in the relationship that say they're "okay with it" are most certainly lying. If they love you, and think you're that great of a person and want to keep you, they'll tell you anything in order to do so. In the end, open relationships end up aching hearts and end any sort of trust couples have for each other.

Butterfly's marriage is working.

Why have you decided that's the way it is? Personal experience or just you not being able to see how it would work for anyone?

 

[Devin]

Butterfly's marriage is working.

Why have you decided that's the way it is? Personal experience or just you not being able to see how it would work for anyone?

It's most likely a matter of time before her marriage comes to a breaking point. There's going to be a time and place where everything is going to be uncomfortable, and thereafter the emotion will be the same.

 

[brieze]

It's most likely a matter of time before her marriage comes to a breaking point. There's going to be a time and place where everything is going to be uncomfortable, and thereafter the emotion will be the same.

You didn't answer.

 

[Devin]

You didn't answer.

I've never been in an open relationship, and I do believe that it can't work for anyone.

 

[brieze]

I've never been in an open relationship, and I do believe that it can't work for anyone.

Okay.

 

[HK]

Open relationships never do work, you know. Regardless of the person(s) you're with in the relationship that say they're "okay with it" are most certainly lying. If they love you, and think you're that great of a person and want to keep you, they'll tell you anything in order to do so. In the end, open relationships end up aching hearts and end any sort of trust couples have for each other.

For the majority, you're probably right. A lot of people either distort the entire premise of an open relationship so they get a free pass to sleep with other people, or their partner agrees to it even though they don't want it, which leads to one person thinking everything is fine, and another person slowly dying inside.

However. I don't know if you've read the whole thread, but Butterfly has explained in depth why her open marriage works. And has done for several years. There are other people out there who have very happy polyamorous relationships too.

The way you word it in your post is as though there will always be one person who believes in open relationships, and their partner won't but will go along with it to keep them. What about when you meet someone who feels the same way about seeing other people? There are obviously people who take it seriously out there, so it stands to reason when they get together, there's no reason it should fail based on your example.

 

[Devin]

For the majority, you're probably right. A lot of people either distort the entire premise of an open relationship so they get a free pass to sleep with other people, or their partner agrees to it even though they don't want it, which leads to one person thinking everything is fine, and another person slowly dying inside.

However. I don't know if you've read the whole thread, but Butterfly has explained in depth why her open marriage works. And has done for several years. There are other people out there who have very happy polyamorous relationships too.

The way you word it in your post is as though there will always be one person who believes in open relationships, and their partner won't but will go along with it to keep them. What about when you meet someone who feels the same way about seeing other people? There are obviously people who take it seriously out there, so it stands to reason when they get together, there's no reason it should fail based on your example.

Still, the human mind would always come back to questions such as, "Are they betraying me?" and the sort. If a person is so adamantly-minded that they can shut out these questions and convictions, then -maybe- open relationships could work.

 

[HK]

Still, the human mind would always come back to questions such as, "Are they betraying me?" and the sort. If a person is so adamantly-minded that they can shut out these questions and convictions, then -maybe- open relationships could work.

Well, we're not all the same. Saying 'any human thinks this way' is true for the majority, but there is evidence right here on this board that people who can happily have an open relationship do exist. Part of our conviction that you can only love one person is just due to our environment and what society teaches us is correct. Monogamous relationships are socially normal. All our media bombards us with the idea of 'the one' and how great it is to meet the only person you're meant to be with. That works out fine for most, but if some people aren't wired to think that way that doesn't make them wrong.

This seems like a pretty common thought process - 'I can't comprehend it, therefore it just couldn't work'. The key is to recognise that although that might be true for you and I, that doesn't make it true for everyone else.

 

[Devin]

Well, we're not all the same. Saying 'any human thinks this way' is true for the majority, but there is evidence right here on this board that people who can happily have an open relationship do exist. Part of our conviction that you can only love one person is just due to our environment and what society teaches us is correct. Monogamous relationships are socially normal. All our media bombards us with the idea of 'the one' and how great it is to meet the only person you're meant to be with. That works out fine for most, but if some people aren't wired to think that way that doesn't make them wrong.

This seems like a pretty common thought process - 'I can't comprehend it, therefore it just couldn't work'. The key is to recognise that although that might be true for you and I, that doesn't make it true for everyone else.

I suppose we would agree to disagree, then. Splendid argument. [Edit:] Can I lick your brain?

 

[HK]

I suppose we would agree to disagree, then. Splendid argument. [Edit:] Can I lick your brain?

There's a waiting list

 

[Tuffdisc]

Depends on the definition of what you mean by "open". If it means by no rules that determines how the relationship goes, then I am for it...if it means sex with anyone without questions being asked, then it is a no

 

[freakofnature]

This seems like a pretty common thought process - 'I can't comprehend it, therefore it just couldn't work'. The key is to recognise that although that might be true for you and I, that doesn't make it true for everyone else.

I grew up with that crap (the bolded part). It reallly bugs me when people think like that.

 

[Devin]

I grew up with that crap (the bolded part). It reallly bugs me when people think like that.

Sounds like a superiority complex, dun'nit?

 

[Tangerine]

I've never been in an open relationship, and I do believe that it can't work for anyone.

Then your opinion is worthless when compared to that of someone who has successfully been in such a relationship for a long time. For you to say that it's destined to fail shows your complete ignorance of fact.