Open Relationships: Could you/Have you?

[hart]

Been there done that. It's very tricky, hard enuf to get a man and woman compatible then your half has to like their half. I'm not really a jealous type but as Joe isn't sexually active right now (trying new meds) I don't do separate swinging. I obviously have nothing against it. I find the social aspect of it can be fun, when you get to know some couples as couples and do other non-sexual things w/them, go dancing, camping etc, that part can be fun.

 

[FreightTrain]

I'm of the belief that an open relationship is a relationship that's already failed. Relationships are based on trust. How can one trust someone who sees whomever he/she chooses and still says "I love you"? Relationships are difficult enough with two people involved, why bring others into the mix? Relationships demand constant care, respect, and reassuring. There's no way any of that can apply to an open relationship. If one wants to casual date, then fine. Don't go expecting anyone else to be your steady fling, though. Emotions are involved in relationships. Casual dating attempts to exclude emotions.

 

[hart]

Relationships demand constant care, respect, and reassuring.

This I totally agree with. But from my perspective love and lust are not the same. I can lust after another but I only am one person's life partner and that is my husband, who is also my best friend. Frankly, we haven't swung in quite some time and as I said some social aspects I miss but as long as I have a good working vibrator the rest can wait until and if my hubby wishes to have sex again. But I totally understand this is a minority opinion....and that's okay too! :thumbup

 

[Azazel]

 

[Butterfly]

I'm of the belief that an open relationship is a relationship that's already failed. Relationships are based on trust. How can one trust someone who sees whomever he/she chooses and still says "I love you"? Relationships are difficult enough with two people involved, why bring others into the mix? Relationships demand constant care, respect, and reassuring. There's no way any of that can apply to an open relationship. If one wants to casual date, then fine. Don't go expecting anyone else to be your steady fling, though. Emotions are involved in relationships. Casual dating attempts to exclude emotions.

I respectfully disagree.

Firstly, I'd like to differentiate my own opinions on the term "open relationship".
For us, this means that we are each free to engage in sexual encounters, as well as form lasting emotional bonds with others. We swing too, which is a joint activity we do together... that is all about sex. But, we also date independently, that is emotional and sometimes sexual.

Trust... an open relationship is not a relationship with no trust. It is a relationship where there is ultimate trust. I trust that no matter who my husband sleeps with, or who else he loves, he will remain mine too. And the same goes for him.

Just because he dates someone else, and still says "I love you" to me, doesn't make him untrustworthy. We believe that one is capable of loving multiple partners equally and yet uniquely... much like a parent can love multiple children in similar amounts and varying ways.

We've been together 10 years, open pretty much from day one. Our relationship is plenty strong.

I'll be the first to admit that it is not for everyone. Some people are just cut out for monogamy... others aren't.

 

[HK]

I think the key to trust is honesty. I think the common misconception is that having more than one lover means you're not being honest, especially because we're all used to the idea that you can only love one person at a time. For some people, that's not true.

I'm monogamous, and it works for me, but being open obviously works for Butterfly it sounds like her relationship is still based on trust and honesty. If you can both be completely open about what you're doing and with who, without either of you feeling jealous or possessive, then you still have that trust.

I also don't doubt that some people give it a bad name by talking their partner into an open relationship when they don't really want one, then using it as a chance to sleep around as much as possible. It's not fair if one of you isn't in the right frame of mind for it, and I suspect that some people go down this route more because their partner isn't fulfilling them but they don't want the messy break up - it's like consensual cheating.

 

[Butterfly]

I also don't doubt that some people give it a bad name by talking their partner into an open relationship when they don't really want one, then using it as a chance to sleep around as much as possible. It's not fair if one of you isn't in the right frame of mind for it, and I suspect that some people go down this route more because their partner isn't fulfilling them but they don't want the messy break up - it's like consensual cheating.

Agreed. Both parties have to be onboard 100%.
Our agreement is that as soon as one of us feels uncomfortable/unhappy/whatever, we will immediately cease all extra activities. It's a rule we are both happy with, and neither of us has ever felt the need to call it up.

 

[RedRyder]

Monogamy = Harmony to me. No way would I share what I have with my man with another woman.

 

[FightFan]

This is one of those things that sounds like a good idea at first, but usually turns out bad. Both people have to have that certain mentality where they can seperate sex from love and not get jealous. Most people who think they can find out the hard way that they can't.

Me personally, I am all for it in a casual relationship but have yet to try it in a serious relatuionship, so not sure how that'd go.

 

[TGLucario475]

I'm currently in an open relationship but with the distance between us at around 240 miles we hardly have time to see each other at least once a month. But we won't be having sex with everyone who wants it as we're both smart enough to only do it with people who we can trust.

Open relationships are good but I want to have a monogamous one but since it's long distance it'll be tough.

 

[Xeno]

Has anyone here had or considered an open relationship?

I couldn't do it. I don't think it's a bad thing - if it works for people then good for them, but if I'm honest, I don't like to be anything but number one in an intimate relationship. It would bother me to think that someone else was providing something for my lover that I couldn't, or that they just wanted something different enough to go and actually get it.

So if your partner asked you to consider one, would you? And if you didn't want to do it, would you go long with it anyway just to avoid them breaking up with you?

I do not believe in being with more than one person. In my own personal opinion, as usual, open relationships are merely an excuse for those who cannot keep from cheating on someone they are with in a sense. I truly believe that love is not something you can divide into pieces as if handing out slices of cake at a birthday party. I would have to respect their decision though just as I would hope she would respect my decision to decline. If that leads to us ending our relationship then I would simply hope that we could at least be friends when all is said and done. True love is not shared unless it is between two people whom are together. No one should have to go through the pain of an open relationship just to keep the person they are with at their side. That is not love because love is not suppose to hurt. Love is meant to bring peace into your life as well as meaning at times. Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps there is a way. For me though...there can only be one in my life. I just wish that one could still be here with me. Alas, that is a whole other topic.

 

[jassilem]

If that's what works for you more power to you...

With me it's not something I would enter or let my partner enter into either. There have been times when my relationship has been a complete and utter mess and I have considered something else but in then end it's not for me.

 

[FreightTrain]

I do not believe in being with more than one person. In my own personal opinion, as usual, open relationships are merely an excuse for those who cannot keep from cheating on someone they are with in a sense. I truly believe that love is not something you can divide into pieces as if handing out slices of cake at a birthday party. I would have to respect their decision though just as I would hope she would respect my decision to decline. If that leads to us ending our relationship then I would simply hope that we could at least be friends when all is said and done. True love is not shared unless it is between two people whom are together. No one should have to go through the pain of an open relationship just to keep the person they are with at their side. That is not love because love is not suppose to hurt. Love is meant to bring peace into your life as well as meaning at times. Perhaps I am wrong. Perhaps there is a way. For me though...there can only be one in my life. I just wish that one could still be here with me. Alas, that is a whole other topic.

I'd have to agree. If both people are happy in the relationship, then why seek out others? If both or one person isn't happy, then why not communicate those feelings to each other and seek counsel? If all else fails, break the relationship. An open relationship isn't a relationship. It's about one person being selfish and another giving in to his/her lover's selfish ways. People are different than animals. We seek emotional attachment. We feel guilt, jealousy, regret and a whole range of emotions that most animals do not. A strong relationship doesn't allow either person's feelings to wander. A strong relationship leaves no room for any fulfillment elsewhere. It captures all of your interest on all levels.

 

[Taralynn]

I would only enter into a threesome if my dog was the third one but, hell, he is waaaay too picky and likes his wimmenz above 5' tall.

I don't measure up.

So it fails for me.

 

[MegaMike]

My jaw would hit the floor if my girlfriend asked me for this type of relationship.
It'd be a " Hell No " and I'd probably want to break up if she was even considering it.
I'm just that way I suppose, loyalty is the most important aspect of my relationships, I simply could not stay with someone if they didn't want to be exclusive with me, as I would be to them.

If this works for some people thats great, all that matters in any relationship is that the two people are content with what they have. I dont see how it would work for anyone, but it does, so good for them =P.

 

[Haus]

Our marriage has been open since day 1. It works for us.

So how does that work exactly. You just have sex with who ever you want. Do you let your husband know your fucking another dude and vice versa?? or just do it? Do you have 3somes? Just confused is all

but to answer the question myself. No i would not go along with it if im in a serious relationship.

 

[Butterfly]

So how does that work exactly. You just have sex with who ever you want. Do you let your husband know your fucking another dude and vice versa?? or just do it? Do you have 3somes? Just confused is all

As I clarified in another post... we date and form relationships with other people.That is our definition of an open relationship.
We swing too, but we do that together, and it's just about sex.

My husband has always known who I am involved with, and when. Most times he has been friends with my lovers. And the same goes for me and his lovers.

We have very few rules, but one of them is that we always tell the other who/what we've done... it doesn't matter if we tell before or after the fact.

 

[freakofnature]

As I clarified in another post... we date and form relationships with other people.That is our definition of an open relationship.
We swing too, but we do that together, and it's just about sex.

My husband has always known who I am involved with, and when. Most times he has been friends with my lovers. And the same goes for me and his lovers.

We have very few rules, but one of them is that we always tell the other who/what we've done... it doesn't matter if we tell before or after the fact.

I find it fascinating that this works for you. Most people would have issues with that kind of relationship.

 

[AllyLynn]

I would not be able to handle the thought of my bf with someone else. When I see him I just want to wrap my arms around him and go "mine, mine, mine!" He can go out, have fun and all that, don't get me wrong, but I would not be able to handle sharing him with other people. And I know he wouldn't like it either. I'm far too possessive (not jealous) and if he's with me, he's with me and ONLY me. :banana2:

 

[sexysadie]

As I clarified in another post... we date and form relationships with other people.That is our definition of an open relationship.
We swing too, but we do that together, and it's just about sex.

My husband has always known who I am involved with, and when. Most times he has been friends with my lovers. And the same goes for me and his lovers.

We have very few rules, but one of them is that we always tell the other who/what we've done... it doesn't matter if we tell before or after the fact.

You're not married, but how long have you and your significiant other been together? Have you made any sort of commitment?