Facebook after life

Pumpkin

Pumpkin

Member
2 2 1 1
Somewhat Known 10 Year Club
I don't know if any of you have seen or experienced this...

When someone dies and people continue to post on their wall. Messages of love, farewells and posting photos of the deceased person. I have also heard (although never seen it myself) of some people writing back FROM the deceased person. Other times its just general chatter about day to day things, as though the person is still there.

I went to primary school with a guy who was killed in a car crash a year or so ago and his mum is constantly writing on his wall. Saying how much she misses him and how she is really struggling. Its heart breaking!

I find it unsettling, I can't really explain it but it just makes me feel weird.
I can understand a fb page being left for a while so people can say their goodbyes or whatever but surely eventually its time to shut it down?

If I were to die, I wouldn't like my facebook page to remain. Would you?
Maybe its just me.
 
Well, yeah it is heartbreaking, the presence of this FB page makes it harder for the mother in this example to move on. The illusion that her son is getting her messages somehow, will prevent her from overcoming her grief.
 
I guess we all deal with death in different ways and what's the difference between visiting a grave site and visiting a facebook page, maybe she feels closer to him when she posts there, who are we to question. I can understand it making you feel uncomfortable...I think I would be as well but apparently it makes her feel better.....and I really don't see anything wrong with it, she's healing her way, who is she hurting?
 
I had a friend who died about 4-5 years ago. He was epileptic. Afterwards, his best friends set up a facebook page for him so people could post there. It even caused some controversy because a few people thought it was in bad taste. But it gave people who couldn't come to the funeral a place to talk about him.

Still, if people were still posting on it today, I would probably hide it from my wall. After a while, grief becomes more personal than shared.
 
There's a tribute page for a friend of mine who died, on facebook. It's nice for the family to read how highly he was thought of by everyone and it's nice for his friends to look at photos of good memories of him that the family have uploaded. It's a nice way to deal with grief, not much different from looking at a photo album or visiting a grave really.
 
Ryder said:
Or it could be a way for them to cope.
Click to expand...

I agree with him. It might be their way of coping....

I know i might feel weird too seeing that FB page but everyone is unique in their own ways. In the same way, people have varied ways of coping with loss of a love one.

However, that mother thinks will help her cope and seeing her do something about it- imo, is better than seeing her lose it all together..... :(

Maldoror said:
No. It's psychologically illogical.
Click to expand...

May i ask the reason why, it's psychologically illogical? Ta :)
 
I do agree that it is a way of coping for some people, but I just find it almost a little fake.

Obviously not from the mother, but some comments from other people really appear to me as simply being there so they can be 'apart' of the tragedy. Which just makes it all a little sick.

I dunno, I just think after a certain period of time itd be better to close the page down
 
PurpleDove said:
I agree with him. It might be their way of coping....

I know i might feel weird too seeing that FB page but everyone is unique in their own ways. In the same way, people have varied ways of coping with loss of a love one.

However, that mother thinks will help her cope and seeing her do something about it- imo, is better than seeing her lose it all together..... :(



May i ask the reason why, it's psychologically illogical? Ta :)
Click to expand...

Because it enables the mother to live in denial, in delusion. She cannot cope with the loss and overcome it (to a certain extent) and move on as long as she's speaking to him as if he's still alive.
 
Niamh said:
It's not so different to visiting a grave and talking to the person
Click to expand...

yup

at the place where my parents are there in the mausoleum there are several people that tons of flowers continually placed at the the crypt. and some continue to write messages on a weekly basis. The guy next to my parents has a wife that writes something every week and he has been gone for 15 years or so.
 
But it is different, it's almost pavlovian, you write to your son on FB, you expect an answer, even after his death, the mother will keep expecting an answer and that is heartbreaking. While you wouldn't expect it from the grave.
 
Alien Allen said:
yup

at the place where my parents are there in the mausoleum there are several people that tons of flowers continually placed at the the crypt. and some continue to write messages on a weekly basis. The guy next to my parents has a wife that writes something every week and he has been gone for 15 years or so.
Click to expand...

That's nice, I mean yeah you have to move on with life after a loved one dies but that doesn't mean you can't still remember them and speak to or write to them to keep their memory alive
 
I don't think anyone except those with an actual delusional problem really expect some sort of answer back. Like someone else said about visiting a grave, many people talk to their dead loved ones. It doesn't mean they actually seriously expect a response.
 
Maldoror said:
But it is different, it's almost pavlovian, you write to your son on FB, you expect an answer, even after his death, the mother will keep expecting an answer and that is heartbreaking. While you wouldn't expect it from the grave.
Click to expand...

Of course she's not expecting an answer if he's dead! A mother will never fully get over the death of her child anyway and I really can't see the harm in her writing to him on FB or where ever if it helps her in some way
 
Back
Top