My first try at poetry.

[The Joker]

I started just to vent my feelings.

I've gotten pretty positive feedback from everyone I showed it to.

I got inspired by a video.

Anyway

Here's my poem:

How this all happened I'll never quite understand
I thought for once that we were both on mutual land
You knew that you could trust me and I knew that you knew that
That is why I'll never see why things ended quite so flat.
Tell me honestly, was there any warning?
No, however you have left me mourning
How you ran away, coz I thought you were a friend
Coz don't friends stick together, till the very end?

I can look you in the eye right now and tell you honestly
That I'll be happy if never again in my life I ever see
Your never smiling, always unhappy face
It's quite obvious that everyone has their place
And I can easily tell you now, yours in not near me

It's not quite the way you talk to me, although you do act like a bitch
It's the way you're completely hypocritical, which
By the way left me laughing.
At how you seriously thought I was in the wrong
Well what new work are you crafting?
Well I guess I'll say my farewells, good bye, so long.
And when I finish this, please don't you scoff
Because the words I'll leave you with are "Please, fuck off."

 

[wednesday]

Thats brilliant Mat....well done you xxx

 

[The Joker]

Haha, thanks you xD

 

[The Joker]

Um, it's actually about a friend.

I was there for her through everything, she even acted like a total bitch to me sometimes but I put up with it coz she was my friend and I knew she was just upset.

So I have my time of hardship. My time to be a bitch and she ditches me. =[

Lol, thanks. I didn't think it was THAT good :24:

 

[Goat Whisperer]

How this all happened I'll never quite understand
I thought for once that we were both on mutual land
You knew that you could trust me and I knew that you knew that
That is why I'll never see why things ended quite so flat.
Tell me honestly, was there any warning?
No, however you have left me mourning
How you ran away, coz I thought you were a friend
Coz don't friends stick together, till the very end?

I can look you in the eye right now and tell you honestly
That I'll be happy if never again in my life I ever see
Your never smiling, always unhappy face
It's quite obvious that everyone has their place
And I can easily tell you now, yours in not near me

It's not quite the way you talk to me, although you do act like a bitch
It's the way you're completely hypocritical, which
By the way left me laughing.
At how you seriously thought I was in the wrong
Well what new work are you crafting?
Well I guess I'll say my farewells, good bye, so long.
And when I finish this, please don't you scoff
Because the words I'll leave you with are "Please, fuck off."

The main feedback I give to anyone in poetry, is try righting a poem that doesn't rhyme. The most important thing in poetry (IMO) is that it feels natural and flows smoothly.And when you force rhyming orhave your main goal to be rhyming, it doesn't feel natural.

Like when you broke up this sentence:
It's not quite the way you talk to me, although you do act like a bitch
It's the way you're completely hypocritical, which

When I write poetry I just try to write what ever first comes to my mind, sometimes it rhymes sometimes it doesn't and most of the time it sucks lol. Every once in a while I actually come up with something pretty good.

 

[The Joker]

The main feedback I give to anyone in poetry, is try righting a poem that doesn't rhyme. The most important thing in poetry (IMO) is that it feels natural and flows smoothly.And when you force rhyming orhave your main goal to be rhyming, it doesn't feel natural.

Like when you broke up this sentence:
It's not quite the way you talk to me, although you do act like a bitch
It's the way you're completely hypocritical, which

When I write poetry I just try to write what ever first comes to my mind, sometimes it rhymes sometimes it doesn't and most of the time it sucks lol. Every once in a while I actually come up with something pretty good.

Yea, I love some non rhyming poems.

Ever heard of Peter Skrzynecki?

I like making my poems rhyme.

Also it was carrying on to the next line. No pause xD

 

[Goat Whisperer]

Onetime, I wrote a rhyming picture, and everytime I made up a sentence that didn't rhyme I wrote it down on a seperate peice of paper. I made a poem out of those sentences. I would show it to you, but I can't access my fucking data on my pc right now lol.

Also, try generalizing it. Express your feelings in away everyone can relate too. Talk about the feelings themselves, instead of the cause of them.

 

[MommyOfAnAngel]

i thought for your first time, it was good. keep writing!

 

[The Joker]

Onetime, I wrote a rhyming picture, and everytime I made up a sentence that didn't rhyme I wrote it down on a seperate peice of paper. I made a poem out of those sentences. I would show it to you, but I can't access my fucking data on my pc right now lol.

Also, try generalizing it. Express your feelings in away everyone can relate too. Talk about the feelings themselves, instead of the cause of them.

So you mean like, what I'm feeling instead of why?

 

[Goat Whisperer]

So you mean like, what I'm feeling instead of why?

Yes, or use a metaphor so it's more generalizing.

Like instead of 'The bitch broke my heart' something like 'Broken by love or lack there of'

And don't be afraid to use rhyming, but don't center your poem around rhyming, if it ain't going to rhyme don't force it too. it's like those dumb shows on Disney channel, where they write jokes and then make shows around those jokes, don't write like a Disney writer. Don't make rhymes and then right poetry around them, do it the other way around.

 

[Goat Whisperer]

If you right a 'why your feeling this way' try to make it a metaphor unless if it is about something like the worlds ignorance or war, etc.

 

[The Joker]

Yes, or use a metaphor so it's more generalizing.

Like instead of 'The bitch broke my heart' something like 'Broken by love or lack there of'

And don't be afraid to use rhyming, but don't center your poem around rhyming, if it ain't going to rhyme don't force it too. it's like those dumb shows on Disney channel, where they write jokes and then make shows around those jokes, don't write like a Disney writer. Don't make rhymes and then right poetry around them, do it the other way around.

She didn't break my heart.

 

[MommyOfAnAngel]

my advice would be just write whatever and however it feels right for you. dont follow a form or anything that you think u r supposed to follow.. just write however it is comfortable for you.

 

[The Joker]

my advice would be just write whatever and however it feels right for you. dont follow a form or anything that you think u r supposed to follow.. just write however it is comfortable for you.

I didn't

That felt comfortable.

 

[Goat Whisperer]

She didn't break my heart.

I know, twas an example. Many people talk about that sort of thing specifically in poetry, and while it might be useful for venting, it isn't that interesting.

Using metaphors that make you and others think is a good idea. And it can be really fun!

 

[SammyStephens]

The main feedback I give to anyone in poetry, is try righting a poem that doesn't rhyme. The most important thing in poetry (IMO) is that it feels natural and flows smoothly.And when you force rhyming orhave your main goal to be rhyming, it doesn't feel natural.

Like when you broke up this sentence:
It's not quite the way you talk to me, although you do act like a bitch
It's the way you're completely hypocritical, which

When I write poetry I just try to write what ever first comes to my mind, sometimes it rhymes sometimes it doesn't and most of the time it sucks lol. Every once in a while I actually come up with something pretty good.

Flow is important, rhyme is not.

Most of all, telling what is on your mind in an honest way trumps all other things when it comes to importance in poetry. If it speaks to you, it will speak to others.

 

[The Joker]

Drag it on to the next line and it flows =]

 

[Voodoo Cowboy]

Very GOOD!!!

 

[DoctorDisco]

Reminds me of this song
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEb3YknGUks

 

[Goat Whisperer]

Actually it just breaks up the sentence... it depends too, but I still recommend avoiding it